if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
