Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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