i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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