Me too!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
