Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COCAINE IS GR8
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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