I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
