someone get that fucking seahorse.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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