You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
