Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
