My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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