I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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