I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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