some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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