the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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