When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
