Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Someone shattered a urinal.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Randomize
