that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
