I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
