Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
