I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
