Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
