she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Semen is not good for contacts.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
