i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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