CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
