in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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