i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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