So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
