You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
