just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
How's work?
Spinning.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
