so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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