she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
