Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
