If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
