is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
