my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
