WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
