so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
