I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
