i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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