I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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