Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
