woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
