i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
