the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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