She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
