This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
