I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
