one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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