After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
