I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i think my cat just said my name.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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