So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
