He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Boobs are out for the taking
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
