my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
