Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
