I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize