All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
