he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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