Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
