You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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