guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
