I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
