Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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