6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
