Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
