here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She bit a glass in half.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
