How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
