honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
