I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
